“My wonderful friend died aged 27. We used to live together. His funeral took place a few days ago. I had the opportunity after the funeral to get together with all his/our friends and go back to the city where we lived for the night to go out in his honor. Instead I went home alone because I couldn’t face the memories. I have very mixed feelings about the time that I lived there and find it painful to visit now. I had a very tough time with my mental health and was in an abusive relationship, and yet I dearly miss the friendships I forged there, especially because in the city I live in now I don’t really know anyone yet and am often alone. I thought it would just be too difficult emotionally to do the funeral and go back to the city all in the same day. I was trying to protect myself, but I regretted my decision almost immediately, and can’t get over the fact that I missed out on spending more time with people who shared my grief about my friend (and who rarely get to see each other these days), that I wasn’t brave enough to try and face my feelings about that period in my life and not let them defeat me and stop me from properly celebrating my friend’s life and being there for my other friends.”

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