Today’s Secret Regret

My biggest regret in life was never being able to tell my first love why I suddenly ghosted him. We were in a long distance relationship and had to communicate through an online platform. Despite this I felt a very deep connection to him. When I was unfairly punished by my Dad because of lies he was told about me and denied access to this platform for several months, I was unable to actually tell him what happened. I feel awful and I’m afraid that he might hate me for it. Maybe now he doesn’t even remember me. But I definitely remember him and I tried locating him on the same platform several years later but to no avail. It really makes me sad knowing I will probably never be able to tell him what happened. Even if he’s gotten over me, or doesn’t care, or doesn’t remember I still feel like I owe him this explanation.

Today’s Secret Regret

I regret…not telling my parents about my sexual assault. I also regret not doing anything about it. I regret ever going to the party in the first place. For a time, I thought that it was my fault. That if I didn’t drink, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. There was a long period of time where I couldn’t even look at my body. I would do anything I could to make myself not look revealing, even gaining at least 30 pounds my freshman year of college. But this story has a bittersweet ending. I am losing weight, and am slowly regaining trust in my male friends who I once never second-guessed their intentions since they’re like my family. But I can never bring myself to tell my parents what happened, and it’s best if they never do find out.

Today’s Secret Regret

My sister died of cancer one week ago at the age of 39 and leaving behind a 5 year old son. I regret I didn’t spend more time with her because I didn’t want to go to the park or do other “entertain the children” activities (I have none). She was the most lovely sister in the world. You simply don’t realize the clock is ticking. Now I will go to the park with her son more often. But she will not join us and that is super painful.

Today’s Secret Regret

“I regret allowing circumstances of the past affect me today. Once my mother found my diary when I was around 12 or 13, while I was at school. When I came home from school, I was excited to put my new entry in, but I could not find it. My mother came into my room and scolded me telling me how horrible I was. It was deeply ingrained so I do not recall the details but I still vow never to write down my inner feelings ever again so someone may “open the book” and read them. It makes me feel like who I am inside is not good enough and needs fixed somehow. To this day I cannot seem to shake the idea that my inner feelings are forbidden or wrong somehow. I deeply wish I could find out how to release this and let it go.”

Today’s Secret Regret

“I regret telling my then-girlfriend the password to my laptop. At the time, it seemed like the two of us were in it for the long haul, and I had no idea how much of a non-contributing, narcissistic deadbeat she actually was. Weeks after we split, I still had to delete disturbing videos from my YouTube page, and even today I have to manually mark emails from disgusting sites as junk.”

Today’s Secret Regret

“A little less than a year ago i was driving home late at night (no street lights) when i accidentally hit a lady who was laying in the road. Cops said it wasn’t my fault, she was most likely hit by someone else who took off. But from the second i got out and realized what i had done, the guilt will stay with me forever. The first couple of months were the hardest. After finding out every detail about this woman i could from her young daughter (and mom who had lost a son as well some years ago) and listening to everyone tell me its not my fault and i should just get past it,  i kinda did for a while. After the first couple months went by, things kinda settled down … until recently i happened to be driving down the same road as i had done countless times before when i swear i saw her laying there again. i froze as it all came back to me. now i cant sleep, and when i do i have nightmares and ive started to zone out at random times. It replays in my mind and it’s all i think about now. The guilt and shame is all consuming.”

Today’s Secret Regret

“Today is my 21st wedding anniversary and he forgot about it. I’ve been so lonely for years, I can’t even put it into words. Two months into our marriage I asked him if we should divorce because he was withdrawn and uninterested in spending time with me. He convinced me it was just new marriage jitters. We’ve had some good times and at one point I had hope which led to our two wonderful children. But the lonely times far exceed the good and it devastates me that we’re modeling marriage this way for our children. He had an affair. We’ve been to counseling, and while it helped him be less passive aggressive and me be more outspoken about my needs, it did nothing to rekindle love. He stopped going to counseling and seems content to live as roommates. I’m going along for the sake of our kids who would be heartbroken to have their family torn apart. I don’t trust him and believe he is having an affair again. If I could do it all over again, I would have left two months into it.”

Today’s Secret Regret

“My biggest regret is getting married to an emotional abusive man. A narcissist. We dated from the time I was 13, he was 16. Even as we dated, there were more tears, than happiness. I could never break up with him, because he would emotional draw me back in. He would say he was going to kill himself, without me. Couldn’t live without me. He also was very insecure and possessive of me. If I talked to another boy, he was mad. Very mad. But would also cry and tell me he knew I was going to leave him. He took me from my friends and was mad if I ever I to do anything with them. I quit sports, because he couldn’t stand the time it took away from him and he always thought iwas cheating on him, when we were away for sports. Or really anytime I wasn’t with him. Somehow, we got married and had children. And aside from our children, I wish I’d I never married him. It’s been 25 years. And I still want to leave. And he STILL says he’ll kill himself.”