SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 28, 2015

I regret not taking you back after you were unfaithful. I was too afraid to see that you had learned from what you had done, and now your wife gets the benefit instead.

I regret settling for a husband I only care about simply because I thought he won’t leave me. I know now that’s not true, and he manipulates me every day with that fear. Most of all, I regret he isn’t you.

I regret that it’s been (how long now?) eighteen years and I still don’t have the courage to tell you how much I love you, any more than I had the courage to attend (to stop?) your wedding.

I will never regret loving you, and I will love you forever.

F/42

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 27, 2015

I regret not kissing you one night we were both working late.

I worked with you for seven years, and was in love with you for most of that time and never told you. I think you were interested, but I’ll never know. It’s been over four years since I left the company and I still think of you, still wonder what could have been, still wonder if you think of me. I’m married, but to the wrong man, or so I think.

I regret not taking the time to get to know you better as a co-worker and friend – perhaps now we’d be friends.

I haven’t seen you in three and a half years and I don’t know when I’ll see you again. The last time I saw you, you almost kissed me on the lips rather than on the cheek and I regret not kissing you. You’re my Facebook friend, so I can see pictures of you, and that will have to suffice.

Seven years at work… four years since… that means I met you over 11 years ago and I simply cannot let go. I regret that I think of you so often, and that I’ve let this drag on. I will always regret not telling you about my feelings.

Wow… it feels good to finally get that out… while several people knew I liked you, not a person on this planet knows that I still think of you despite being married.

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 26, 2015

I regret that I can’t let go of the pain. I regret that even though I have “forgiven” you for the affair, I still check your phone, your emails, and your texts. I know I said that I would check it at the door and move on because you swore that it was over, but I can’t. I’m sorry I still don’t trust you. How sad my life has become. I can be so much more. I regret that I am so sick because of your deception. But I do love you.

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 24, 2015

I regret the fact that I am now slowly but surely starting to ruin another amazing friendship I have made now that I am in college. The past seems to be repeating itself and I can’t find a way to make it stop. I regret I’m letting things go further than they should between us and I wish I could prevent it all from happening. But our feelings for each other are starting to take over and we’re losing control each and every day that passes by. I don’t want to lose you like the friend I did in high school. You mean too much to me. God I hope I don’t mess this up. I still haven’t forgiven myself for the first loss.

f/20

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 21, 2015

Your birthday’s coming up, and all I can think is how we were supposed to be together for it. After 6 years of friendship, your 20th should be the one I call and apologize and start over with you. I regret I’m not strong enough to face you after everything, and I most definitely am not strong enough to survive through you again.

Happy Birthday Max, hope you get everything you ever dreamed of.

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 19, 2015

I regret not listening to my parents and other adults when they told me to be careful. That things usually start off small and then turn into something bigger. Slowly, gradually.

I didn’t listen. I thought I was smart enough…strong enough…to keep my boundaries and my morals and most importantly, myself.

Now I realize that I’m so far beyond lost and I don’t know how it got to this point or how I’ve justified my decisions thus far. It happened so slowly I didn’t even realize it until it was too late. It was just how they said it would happen. One day I woke up and realized that I didn’t recognize myself anymore.

I know I only have myself to blame. I regret that I’m never going to be the same person I was before I met you but I desperately want to be. I wish I could go back and change my decision that day. Then none of this would have happened.

f/18

SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 18, 2015

I regret that I can’t move on. That I can’t let go. I’ve tried to break up with you so many times. I regret that I KNOW actions speak louder than words, but I let your words mean more, when you don’t honestly mean them, you’re just saying them so I’ll stay. I regret that I believe you. Every time. I know you won’t change for me, even though you said how amazing I am, how am I not important enough to change for then? I regret that I’m too weak to completely end things. I regret that after it all, I still can’t imagine being with anyone but you. I regret not listening to everyone else. I wish you didn’t make me feel so good when we’re together, because you rip my heart out every time we’re apart and you lie. You are my biggest regret, but my biggest love at the same time. I wish I was strong enough to move on.