Hugh Hefner has died, and a New York Times review of his life really brought it back to my doorstep that I will never know the sexual freedom he lived and advocated.

I was raised in the South, very conservative and religious background. Waited to have sex until I was done with graduate school, “saved myself” for my marriage. Thirty years later still married to my sweetheart, my sole and only-ever sexual partner. Have been through some marital dry-spells, but sexually things have improved for us with time.

I regret never having shared a sexual experience with other people. Getting older and being in committed relationship with “open” relationship really out of the question, I know I will never have that experience with another human being. I mourn the opportunities lost, and imagining what the majority of other human beings have experienced, as forever out of my reach.

I fear that at the end of my days, I will have lived a sexual life very untrue to who I feel that I am. Maybe simply a “first world problem,” but I see it as a missed basic human experience that others have enjoyed and that has enriched lives.



4 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: May 12, 2018

  1. Dear Sir/Madam,

    Believe me you did not miss anything. Don’t believe the hype that you are seeing on television and the movies. Because you had one partner, you are likely more healthy spiritually than others who had multiple partners. The time that you are spending thinking about the possibilities with others, consider how you can spice things up with your spouse. Change your thinking and the picture. May I add the picture with others that keep playing in your mind.


  2. You are imagining wild and craven sex when a good majority, especially with a new or one time partner, of experiences are somewhat awkward and a bit clumsy. On the one hand you may have missed some chance encounters, on the other those same encounters could be negatively life altering.


  3. So how are you feeling about all of this these days?? I am so curious to know if you still feel the same way or feel a little bit better about your situation? Do you still think about what your life might have been have you had more, varying sexual encounters?


  4. I can only tell you my experience; ten years ago I left the love of my life after 20 years of marriage and four kids in exchange for my sexual freedom. Today that decision is by far my greatest regret. We can not turn back time but my future appears to be bleak and loveless. Now I envy couples , like you and your spouse, who’ve made it through trying times. You have a foundation to continue to build your love for each other as you grow old together. I have only memories of one lost love and so many sex partners I can’t remember their names much less share meaningful life experiences. Ironically the best sex I ever had was with the person I loved the most.


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