Hugh Hefner has died, and a New York Times review of his life really brought it back to my doorstep that I will never know the sexual freedom he lived and advocated.
I was raised in the South, very conservative and religious background. Waited to have sex until I was done with graduate school, “saved myself” for my marriage. Thirty years later still married to my sweetheart, my sole and only-ever sexual partner. Have been through some marital dry-spells, but sexually things have improved for us with time.
I regret never having shared a sexual experience with other people. Getting older and being in committed relationship with “open” relationship really out of the question, I know I will never have that experience with another human being. I mourn the opportunities lost, and imagining what the majority of other human beings have experienced, as forever out of my reach.
I fear that at the end of my days, I will have lived a sexual life very untrue to who I feel that I am. Maybe simply a “first world problem,” but I see it as a missed basic human experience that others have enjoyed and that has enriched lives.