SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 24, 2018

I regret my life. I regret that I made more mistakes than not. I regret I worked my fingers to the bone sometimes working two jobs but have nothing to show for it. I regret I put everything into raising two kids as a single mother, two kids who are doing well which I am proud of but who are embarrassed by their poor mother. I regret not taking care of myself at all so i could give them everything. I regret not finishing school so I could have done better for myself. I regret never having been loved ever by anyone. Even the love of parents would have been better than nothing. I regret marrying because I was so starved for love that I made a huge mistake with someone who said they loved me when they didn’t. I regret the fact I am not strong enough to end the pain once and for all. I regret being fat, ugly and unloved. I regret the pain I am in from severe arthritis. Maybe if I had ever taken care of myself i wouldn’t be in this shape. I regret not being able to get my total joint replacements because my job sucks do bad I do not get enough short term disability to live on while off work. I regret even thinking my children would help me, I regret that I even stupidly asked. I regret that everything I did for them was apparently not enough for them to even love me. How could I have been so dumb my entire life. I regret that I don’t know why any of this happened. I regret embarrassing myself by making a go fund me thinking someone would help me when no one ever has. I regret being so unloveable that I don’t even have a friend in my life. I regret still breathing. Even God doesn’t want me.

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8 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 24, 2018

  1. I don’t usually comment on these regrets here but yours made me sad and let me think about it the whole day.
    I’m sorry you are feeling this kind of sadness but I don’t think that your thoughts are representing the reality. Even though your children can’t show you love doesn’t mean they don’t feel it.
    You should start forgiving yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made because we are all human and you should try to take care of yourself and realize why you did it this way.
    If you ask me, you couldn’t be prouder for the fact that you tried your best to take care of 2 children and as you said they grew up well and they are fine now.
    Please reconsider your attitude towards yourself. I am a Psychologiestudent and I see so much hate in your thoughts and you should be more loving to yourself.

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  2. You must think only one day at a time right now dear. Today go for a short walk. Love yourself today. And also you will never be lonely if you go to a church that believes in Jesus Christ. Give it a try. Lift up your heart.

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  3. I don’t think I’ve ever heard so much negativity in my life. Please don’t think I’m being cruel, but what you put out in life is what you get back. By that I mean, stop constantly focusing on what you don’t have and try being thankful for what you do. If you look beyond your pain, you will find something. If you’re fat (who isn’t?), do you have pretty eyes or nice hair or a pleasant voice or a nice complexion? No? Then when you go to Walmart, do you smile at the check out clerk and ask her how her day is going? Do you leave her in a better mood than you found her? Because if you did, she thought you were beautiful. Are you constantly carping on how much you gave up for your kids when you see them? Or do you tell them how much you love them and how glad you are to have them in your life. So many women would give up everything they own to be able to have children. Do you wake up in the morning grateful for another day, another chance? You should. Not everyone can count on another day. Try putting a little positivity out into the world, and before you know it, it will start coming back to you. If you continue to follow the path you are on, you will alienate everyone around you, and you will die bitter and broken. It doesn’t have to be that way. Get done with your regrets, your past is your past. Look to what kind of future you can make. YOU are the only one who can control that. Be a positive force in the world. Be someone people want to be around and want in their lives. It doesn’t matter what you look like, how much education you had, where you work, or anything else except how much light you bring into your world. It takes concentration at first, but after awhile you will find yourself naturally smiling at people, caring about others, and bringing joy to others. And only then will you notice there is now joy and hope and love in your own life. Be the kind of person you want others to be. And you will attract that kind of person. I am dying now, but have been through much of what you described. Through it all, somehow, I always managed to see the bright side of life, and it has paid off big time. I am surrounded by love and caring from my family and friends, and I am happy, content, and joyful, even as I know I might not be here for another Christmas. Every day is a gift, not just when you’re dying, but always. I hope you take my advice to heart, because you could be so much happier than you are. Good luck!

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  4. This makes me sad. I think it would be beneficial to seek counseling. Most of the time the way we perceive ourselves stems from our childhood. We put up walls as to not get hurt. when we feel unlovable we become unlovable and self destructive. I myself have felt the same way. We are all only human and we all are always in survival mode, we are selfish and we are sinners, and we all want to be and feel loved. Past experiences and the way people treat us don’t define who we are. It would be so helpful if we could all wear a sign saying what is affecting us on that particular day. Things like, I’m sad because my mom has cancer or I’m mad because everything has gone wrong today or I just found out my husband that I’m deeply in love with has cheated on me or I’m abused or I feel unlovable. Then it would be so much easier to understand why even a stranger in the store didn’t smile back at us when we smiled at them. Be kind to everyone, and know that you have done your best, that’s all anyone can do. Be kind to yourself, love yourself and if you can’t afford counseling then there are resources such as churches that have free counseling on staff. I hope you know Jesus and I will be praying for you!!!

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  5. You are the only one who can help you darling , use pain, sadness, betraylas as source of strength and energy. Meditation could be good for you, it helps me very much, I am sure everyone who reads your story wants to hug you and wish you the best. You are not alone, never is too late. 🙂 I love you!

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  6. I think that you should be proud of yourself for raising your children and looking after them so well. That is a wonderful thing. Even if your adult children are not apparently grateful to you, don’t dwell on it, but instead just think that YOU did the right thing. You can’t change anyone else, but you CAN change yourself. Love yourself, and nourish your own spirit with good thoughts about yourself, like you were such a good, single parent to your two children. That is something to be proud of. Practice deep breathing, and that alone will help to to feel better and to heal. I wish you well.

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  7. God does so want you. He is crazy about you. He loves you so much that if you were the only person on earth, He still would have sent His only Son to give His life for you. I can’t answer everything you’re going through, but know that God is there, and He loves you more than you can imagine.

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