I’m not sure which part of my story I regret the most. I regret meeting him. I regret the whole experience. I regret how naive I was. I regret everything. I had never been in a serious relationship before. I had an older brother and thought I knew how I wanted to be treated when I got into a relationship. Of course there were multiple signs that he was cheating, but I went against my gut and chose to trust his word. It was the first time I really started having sex and I made a mistake. When I was 20 years old I found out I was seven weeks pregnant. I never thought it would happen to me. I was stupid, but I paid the consequence ten times over. He tried to convince me to have it. He put the decision on my shoulders because he knew what my decision would be. I live my life to not disappoint my family and what is expected of me. I did what I had to. It was not only physically painful, but emotionally as well and I went through it alone. A few weeks later I found out he was cheating. I stayed with him. I was mourning my loss. I did what I did, but I felt emotionally broken and didn’t want to go through it alone. I guess I hated myself and thought I deserved to be treated bad. He said the reason he cheated on me was because I chose to have the abortion, yet the messages I found were sent during our entire relationship. You dont want to believe you go through all of that for someone who doesn’t care about you. i don’t know if I regret meeting him, my mistake, my decision, or my weakness to not leave the most, but I do know if i don’t learn to not only forgive him, but forgive myself, I’ll never move on. I think I hate myself more than anything else.