SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 14, 2018

I’m not sure which part of my story I regret the most. I regret meeting him. I regret the whole experience. I regret how naive I was. I regret everything. I had never been in a serious relationship before. I had an older brother and thought I knew how I wanted to be treated when I got into a relationship. Of course there were multiple signs that he was cheating, but I went against my gut and chose to trust his word. It was the first time I really started having sex and I made a mistake. When I was 20 years old I found out I was seven weeks pregnant. I never thought it would happen to me. I was stupid, but I paid the consequence ten times over. He tried to convince me to have it. He put the decision on my shoulders because he knew what my decision would be. I live my life to not disappoint my family and what is expected of me. I did what I had to. It was not only physically painful, but emotionally as well and I went through it alone. A few weeks later I found out he was cheating. I stayed with him. I was mourning my loss. I did what I did, but I felt emotionally broken and didn’t want to go through it alone. I guess I hated myself and thought I deserved to be treated bad. He said the reason he cheated on me was because I chose to have the abortion, yet the messages I found were sent during our entire relationship. You dont want to believe you go through all of that for someone who doesn’t care about you. i don’t know if I regret meeting him, my mistake, my decision, or my weakness to not leave the most, but I do know if i don’t learn to not only forgive him, but forgive myself, I’ll never move on. I think I hate myself more than anything else.

-F/21

Advertisements

One thought on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 14, 2018

  1. You must move on if only for the reason that it would make him happy to know he is still screwing up yr life. Don’t give him the power! He is a pig and will go thru life abusing as many women as he can until he meets his match (or her brother or father.)

    Like

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.