SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: November 30, 2017

My biggest regret to this day is not having the strength to acknowledge those who are lost and bullied in my life. There are people who were left out, judged, mocked, and talked about behind their backs. I should have stood up for them. I should have been their voice when they did not have one.

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One thought on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: November 30, 2017

  1. I ended a 13 yr relationship, then went on many dates, including with a Marine I met on Bumble. I wasn’t too interested at first bc he is 5′ 7″ and I gravitated toward taller men. I’m only 5′ 2″, btw. We went on the date and it was fine. Hung out a few more times sporadically.

    Then, he asked me on a proper date to a nice restaurant and I started seeing how amazing he is. After knowing him for 6 weeks, it was like I was seeing him for the very first time. Everything was different after that. We started falling in love and it was incredible. It took us by storm and we were both happier than we had been in a very long time. I was happier than I’ve ever been. He became gorgeous in my eyes; the perfect height, loved his crooked nose, loved his gorgeous eyes. He has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever looked into. I didn’t even see them until 6 weeks in. How did I not see them before then?

    I wanted everything with him and he felt the same about me, until one horrible night…I got blackout drunk at a party he hosted at his home. I have no memory of this, but I climbed into my Marine’s bed where his friend was sleeping and called his friend cute and tried to have sex with him or give him oral sex or something like that. The next thing I remember, I was being kicked out of his house. It was over. I ruined it. He told me I broke his heart and that he can’t even sleep in his own bed. He said there is zero chance we’ll get back together and if I have any respect for him, I’ll never contact him again in any fashion. I said I won’t. I fight the urge to text him or stop by his house everyday. I live with the guilt of what I did to him and to myself. I fear I’ll never find a love like him again.

    I have to imagine I thought his friend was my Marine. I don’t remember firsthand. In order to live with what I did, I have been determined to become a much better person in any ways I can. No more texting and driving, no more being on my phone when I’m with friends, no more swearing in public, no more drinking in any amount ever again. I am determined to have a positive outcome for myself after this to make the horrible thing I did less horrible; to make this a turning point I can look back on so the story starts with me ruining the best thing I ever had but ends with being a major catalyst for change in my life.

    I just hope this becomes a positive in his life. I hope he finds a woman who is so good, he is happy he lost me. I want him to be mine forever but he never will be so I am reduced to praying he finds a woman who makes him so happy, he can forget I ever existed.

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