I regret not being able to kick my addiction sooner, costing me the healthiest/longest-lasting relationship I’ve been in in my adult life with an amazing girl and the first gf I’ve lived with. I took money from her from time to time, and paid it back, but eventually she stayed at a hotel overnight and warned me that if I did it again, she would leave. She was always so loyal and level-headed that maybe I thought things wouldn’t actually be over for good. I caved, and took a twenty, and then quit my addiction that day. I lied about it when confronted, but the next night when she pressed the issue I confessed, and told her I would not blame her if she broke up with me. She held me tight that night in bed, but when I woke up the next morning she was gone, and only came back over the next several days to move her stuff out. It’s now been a month and a half, and she won’t speak to me. From May to June 1st, I pestered her constantly, begging for her attention and just wreaking of desperation. I told her that if she came back, I would immediatley check in to a rehab facility down in Sagebrush in Virginia and I fear I’ve pushed her out of my life for good. I fear what the future holds for me if this pattern of behavior continues, and have thought about ending my life every day (I won’t though).