SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 13, 2017

I’m sad that I wasn’t good enough for you to fight for. I’m sorry I wasn’t exactly the kind of wife you would have wanted but you weren’t exactly the kind of husband I expected either. Yet, I wanted to fight for you, for our kids, for our marriage. I did fight for you but it was a lonely fight . I just wasn’t worth it. I knew the tough times would come in our marriage and they did but I couldn’t fight that fight alone and you just weren’t interested. I’m sorry that I let myself get so frustrated with your selfishness, increasing distance and silence but you wouldn’t talk to me…ever.

Marriage takes effort on both parts. I regret being naïve enough to think you wanted the same kind of family life that I wanted. One that puts our children first until they are launched and then it’s our turn. One where we are our strongest allies, best friends and can talk about anything! That’s what killed our marriage the most, your silence and my frustration. It always takes two to keep a marriage going but you would never engage. I was never worth planning a date night for. I was never worth a surprise dinner after working a 12 hour day. Our sons and I were never worth as much as you were. I never wanted to be a nagging wife so I just did it myself and you let me. I regret that part the most. You should have wanted to be an engaged father but you never were. I don’t ever think you were in it for the long-haul. It’s too easy for you to walk away, walk away from your friends, walk away from your family, from a life you thought you wanted but in reality didn’t.

Responsibility has never been your strong point. Being a husband and father for you meant providing financially, but that’s where it ended. After all, that’s what your father did. But you are not your father and we all have the choice to follow our parents example or create a better life for our children. I regret not seeing that earlier.I regret not realizing how different we were before having children with you and building a life with you. I regret spoon feeding you when you were totally capable of doing things yourself. But I did because I loved you.

I regret wasting the last four years of my life while we have been separated hoping you would want your family back, But you don’t. I regret that my sons don’t have a hero every child deserves for their father . I hope you’re happy But I know longer care.

I hope someday you regret not trying harder, if not for me, for your sons.

Age 53, Female

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One thought on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 13, 2017

  1. Hello. I am so sorry to read of your regret. Yes, marriage and relationships on any level require effort on BOTH parts.
    Oh, my goodness! I have lived your life – with children, too (for twenty-odd years). We divorced eventually. I spent months and years beating myself up for not ‘doing better’. After our divorce, I was driving along one day when I heard a song on the radio and it encapsulated exactly my situation. The song words said: ‘I can’t make you love me, if you don’t.’ I apologise if this sounds flippant at all, but for me it was a lightbulb moment, and turning point. The fact was my husband never (really) loved me and I couldn’t make him feel what he didn’t feel. I was too scared and ashamed to admit it. I knew it before we married but I was besotted with him and, in vain, thought I could turn things around.
    I have, slowly, moved on. There are, of course, painful times because our children have suffered but I realised my husband must have his regrets, too. After all, for over 20 years he settled for comfortability and the convenience of a housekeeper, mother and domestic organiser; he was unwilling or too lazy to find a partner with whom he wanted to share life and be happy. No-one wins in these situations. I wish you well. Kind regards.

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