I regret being born into my family. I regret all the diets I put my body through to try and lose my curves. I put myself through torture because different men in my family, betrayed my trust an sexually abused me. I regret telling my mom because she made me feel like it was my fault. She would say, maybe you shouldn’t have been so nice to them. Or hug them, maybe they thought you wanted them to do things. I regret being part of this screwed up family. I regret trying to be a nice person. I regret him and other men being born. I have so much anger inside about this and lot’s of other abuse I’ve endured. My mom is still protecting him. I hate him and all the other guy’s who hurt me. I hate living with ptsd, I hate living with all these flashbacks. Nightmares, daymares, anxiety, people telling me to get over it or that they understand. You don’t understand if you’ve never been sexually abused!! Waking up is a disappointment in itself. Sights, smells, sounds, touch, everything set’s you off. Never feeling like you can ever have a normal relationship with a man ever again. I’m thinking about getting into mma to get out some of this anger.


3 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: January 5, 2017

  1. No one knows another’s pain & yours sounds bad……but I breathed in dead people long, long before 9/11 & I couldn’t get that greasy smell, or the stench of aviation fuel & burnt metal out of my mind for weeks. The images have never gone away. Going to a charcoal barbeque doesn:t happen for me. I can’t stand the smell.

    You dont know MY pain.

    But its possible to live a full life. Finding the way for you is impossible for anyone else to do, but it is out there, waiting for you. I found mine, although I’ll never be the same again. And dont forget, the best Revenge is to Live Well.

    All is not lost. I am Living Proof.


Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.