SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: March 5, 2016

I think I’m in the middle of a regret–possibly taking back my controlling and hurtful ex. He proposed to me again and said we would work on things. Everything has been pexels-photoalright recently, but I keep fearing for the future; that it’s going to turn bad again. I regret that I love him so much, I regret that I believe him, and I regret that I have hope for a future, hope that he will change, and better relationship with him. I regret not wanting to give up, but I don’t want to give up on people. People can change for the better, right?

7 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: March 5, 2016

  1. Do not marry this person for at least two years. If they have really changed then they will understand why you want to wait to make things legal. Ending an abusive marriage is SO MUCH HARDER than a bf/gf situation. Don’t say I do until you can say it without fear in your heart. Your marriage is supposed to be your safe haven, don’t give that position to someone who would use it to control and isolate you. I hope you make the right decision for you, but that you do it with sense and logic. Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

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  2. What is your instinct telling you? If you are not sure of the answer to that question, what advice would you give if one of your children was in a similar situation? Good luck with everything.

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  3. People don’t change after a certain age, and that age is 18, 19. After that, their character and main values are already formed and the only changes they can make are minor, like for example quit smoking. The fact that he was controlling and hurtful showed you what he is capable of. It also shows that he did not love you. The action of ,,controlling” someone – or manipulating someone, can also be done through nice words, good behavior – but once these people get what they want, the mask drops. Look at the actions, not the words. Has he DONE something for you? What has he selfishly done for you, even to his own disadvantage? Remember that in this big world, there are so many kind men. And remember that you could wake up one day, 10, 20, 30 years from now and ask yourself – where did my youth go? Where did my life go? – the years spent in an abusive and controlling MARRIAGE (not relationship, from which you can escape much easier – marriage, which involves also some kids suffering for the rest of their life). What makes you think that the person who once was so controlling and manipulative has changed? Please see that you are manipulated and it’s only a trap. Some people can say/do anything to get what they want. If I were you I would run, fast. Tell him it’s over, tell him why and then run, cut all contact. If you are willing to forgive him, it means you are a kind person, who thinks other people are like you. But this is not the person to be kind with.It’s only a wolf disguised as a sheep. He taught you one lesson, why forget it? Don’t do this to yourself, to your life.. He will reduce you..to nothing. It’s a pity. Yes, it will turn bad again, and again, and again. He showed you once who he is, believe him. This is my advice.

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  4. Sorry, I meant – what has he SELFLESSLY done for you. One more thing. Fear is many times a good emotion. It’s something instinctual, it is an unconscious process meant to make us avoid harmful situations. People fear hights, snakes, blood, darkness.. All these fears, deep in our subconscious minds, tell us that those things are dangerous. All these fears are instinctual..and if you begin to acknowledge them, you soon understand why someone would feel them. In a way, it’s the same pattern that instincts are formed, and we all know instincts are 95% of the time a good thing, made to preserve our species. You fear this relationship. That means that something in your unconscious mind is telling you such a relationship can be dangerous. What could that thing be? Well, the synapses formed in the emotional part of your brain during the time he hurt you and during your previous interactions with him. It’s a response to memories that were formed. The fear cannot be controlled, at least now.
    But.You regret that you are afraid. You regret that you believe him, that you hope he will change, that you hope there will be a future and that you don’t want to give up.Why do you regret? Because you KNOW there is a very high chance he is lying. You regret that you hope for a better future because you know you are fooling yourself. Since you say that you don’t give up on people, ask yourself how many people you haven’t given up on have actually changed for the better? Ask yourself, do you love who he is, or do you love an illusion, who you want him to be? Ask yourself, if you are willing to live with a hurtful and controlling man all your life (because the chances of him actually being like that are really high). Ask yourself , had he done this to someone you love, would you still think the same about him? Remember to love yourself and set boundaries.

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  5. If the relationship has gone through some type of reality check wake up levels, i think it could be possible that one can change their ways for real. I’ve seen many times relationships end and the person changes towards the new partener and new sincere efforts are reborn. Many times the person also goes into this newer relationship with someone who looks or has many similar characteristics as the person they loved but foolishly didn’t put the right efforts into really appreciating at the time. I think it’s worth giving a shot in trying. What have u got to loose if nobody else is willing to take any kind of stand towards ur true heart aside from him? Afterall he is the one who does already know and understand where your heart really was to begin with and he already knows all your not so great habits that another person would only try to take control over u with…where are he is willing to love u dispite learning the fact that he isn’t always in control whether he wants to or not

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