SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: February 16, 2016

I regret holding onto my fathers suicide when I was 21 and never telling anyone about it for 30 years. I never once verbalized it to anyone (not even myself internally). I would picjumbo.com_HNCK0677lie to everyone when I had to come up with a reason for my fathers death. Even just recently I told my doctor that my father was deceased and the lie I’ve used for 30 years is that he died in a car accident. That’s the perfect lie in my mind. Nobody asks any further questions. Holding this in for 30 years is way too long. Hopefully this helps someone else, because in hindsight, I should have talked about it. Its way too bottled up now, but at least I can write about it a little bit. It really is a horrible story and I wish that no one would ever have to go through the death of a family member this way. I think about it every day and that’s not pleasant. I’ve thought about it for 30 years and the strange thing is I’m now older than my father was when he died. Anyway, that’s my regret and I hope this helps someone else that is in a similar situation to talk about there feelings and not bottle it up for their entire life like I have.

2 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: February 16, 2016

  1. I hope your heart will begin to heal now that you have let some of that out. Your father must have been in such terrible pain to have left you that way. I don’t believe it’s ever about not loving his or her family, so much as not being able to conquer the feelings of hopelessness. That you didn’t choose to share the manner of his death with anyone is not a negative reflection on you. You didn’t want to have to explain his choice or to be pitied by strangers. I wish you strength and healing and joy in life.

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  2. WHY, WHY, WHY (from the age of 13) – is what I burden myself with for 27 years, until I attended a meeting called “Survivors of Suicide” – life changing! I had many issues concerning my Dad’s death. However, WHY was at the top of the list and a very close second was no one ever talked about him. It was almost like he never lived. He choose to take his life on December 22. Because of this I don’t remember not one Christmas after his death until I had children. To this very day at age 64, I am still over the top with Christmas (gifts, decorations, etc). I never wanted my kids (now my grandkids) to experience a bad Holiday. After that “Survivors” meeting, I have never – NOT one time ask WHY. What I got out that meeting was this: if my Dad could explain to me WHY he choose to take his life, I was (and still am) unwilling to except HIS WHY. After that meeting I no longer blamed my Dad for taking his life, because I KNOW he loved me and my seven siblings. I felt pity and pain for him – and still do. He had issues that he refused to address and because of that he missed out on a big, beautiful and crazy (SMILE) family of 40 plus, who now speak loving of him. We now understand!

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