I regret holding onto my fathers suicide when I was 21 and never telling anyone about it for 30 years. I never once verbalized it to anyone (not even myself internally). I would lie to everyone when I had to come up with a reason for my fathers death. Even just recently I told my doctor that my father was deceased and the lie I’ve used for 30 years is that he died in a car accident. That’s the perfect lie in my mind. Nobody asks any further questions. Holding this in for 30 years is way too long. Hopefully this helps someone else, because in hindsight, I should have talked about it. Its way too bottled up now, but at least I can write about it a little bit. It really is a horrible story and I wish that no one would ever have to go through the death of a family member this way. I think about it every day and that’s not pleasant. I’ve thought about it for 30 years and the strange thing is I’m now older than my father was when he died. Anyway, that’s my regret and I hope this helps someone else that is in a similar situation to talk about there feelings and not bottle it up for their entire life like I have.