SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 22, 2015

I regret that I never made the effort to make myself thin when I was younger. Maybe it would have helped me find the love and attention I crave every day. I regret that I am nearly convinced no one will ever fall for me because they can’t get past my physical appearance. And I regret that not finding love and starting a family is the thing I fear most in the world, and I’m terrified no one will ever see how much love I have to give, and how good of a companion I would be. I regret that you rejecting me senior year of high school has left me even more terrified of rejection and has made me so insecure that I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to ask another guy out again. I know you’re not worth it, because you were kind of an asshole and you ended up having a fling with one of my best friends.I regret that I even have to post this because writing it makes things real. But I want to conquer these fears and start loving myself. I really do. 19/F

 

3 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: December 22, 2015

  1. sweetheart.ONE
    I know that everywhere you turn there are images of thin, happy people – TV, online, movies, advertising on everything. We are all fed the idea that attractive equals thin. The world is full of these messages, and if you are overweight it’s very hard to not feel like a failure and feel less attractive. This constant message just stings eh?
    And it’s probably true that some girls you know who haven’t been overweight feel more attractive in themselves than you do. It’s probably true that some boys you know have found these girls ‘hot’, and you’ve felt acutely aware of being passed over. It’s such a shame this has happened to you.
    It’s real. That message is ubiquitous and it hurts overweight people and attacks our confidence. I’ve been overweight, i hear you on this.
    TWO
    Now with guys, the good news is over the next few years of your life, leaving school behind and entering adulthood, the guys you meet will stop being boys and start being men. One of the things that will happen is they will become more confident in making up their own minds about what they find attractive in partners, instead of just liking what they are sold. This will include physical preference. Some men are genuinely attracted to bigger women. But it will also mean guys will start maturing emotionally and will be attracted to women because of the whole woman. Who you are as a person will start to matter to guys more the older you get. Sounds like you had a crappy experience with a guy. It wont be the last chance you have.
    THREE
    You seem to be very focused on finding love. A good relationship is a great blessing in life. But it isn’t a substitute for feeling good about yourself. The way to a good life is by being kind to yourself, and having a fun, kind, supportive relationship with yourself. It seems like you spend time being hard on yourself about being overweight. Can you find some counselling, or support or just read up online about things to do to improve your self esteem? Could you chase after learning how to treat yourself kindly with the same hunger you now have for a relationship? And can you pursue interests and passions – activities and adventures? Following your passions in life – pursuing goals, falling down, getting back up and back on the horse keep you busy, bring you joy and build self esteem.
    FOUR
    The thing is, thin people who are confident (and lots aren’t because low self esteem happens to all sorts of people) carry themselves well. They are proud of how they look. They move a certain way. Anyone who walks around acting as if they are gorgeous and proud of themselves (not in a yucky vain way but just taking delight in being lovely) will attract admirers. The more you can focus on being kind to yourself and following your passions, the more confident you will feel, and the more you will communicate this to people around you – including guys. Funny thing, the more confident you are in yourself and not needing someone to love you to feel good, the more likely you are to find love. Because you will radiate kindness, joy, life, vitality -and this will attract guys who will be similar. Great boyfriend material!
    FIVE
    Because of the messages about weight, it can feel like the problems are weight. They aren’t. The guy who messed around on you didn’t do it because of your weight. But you can try to lose weight if you really want to, and if you believe weight really matters it might give you more confidence. Being thin is not a substitute for living a creative, adventurous life.

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    • Bravo Jodie! Great advice. I Once told a fat shamer, “Its not just fat women who want to be treated like human beings, but women who meet your criteria. We weren’t meant to serve men’s penises and egos, but their hearts and souls, and foremost, God and humanity.

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