SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: November 24, 2015

I regret just about every decision I’ve made in the last 11 years sometimes even marrying my wife. I mostly regret caving to the pressure and giving in to having children I do love my kids but now I hate my life. She knew I hated kids and was very open and adimant about never having any but the years of pressure from my wife and especially her family got to me, I was afraid she’d leave me if I didn’t but she knew full well when we got married I refused to have kids. Now I love them very much but they were strictly to make her happy I get little joy in life and very little from being a father there is the occasional moment but the vast majority of it is just stress and misery. We were so much happier before and I feel having kids has detoriated our marriage and that was the only thing I wanted in life. I resent my wife for pushing me into it raising a family mostly sucks and I am now living the exact opposite of the life I wanted.

11 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: November 24, 2015

  1. I feel mostly sorry for your children. Coming into this world unwanted is a terrible burden to carry, and your children will know. They can tell the difference between real love and tolerance. My personal opinion is that they would all be better off without you. If all you wanted was a wife, and all she wanted was children, you can both still have what you want. Pay a decent amount of child support so your children don’t suffer, get a vasectomy, and move on. Find a woman who thinks like you do, and hopefully your wife will find a man who will love and cherish your children.

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  2. wow……you lay down excuses for your choices as if someone else held a gun to your head and forced you into them. What you should really regret is being such a miserable push over and perpetual victim. You married a woman who wanted children knowing that you did not, if the tables were turned and she was deprived of her wish she would be more miserable than you. That my friend is called entering into a situation where nobody wins, and worst of all, you KNEW this. You KNEW that one of you would be unhappy and you were perfectly fine with it being her….you just silently hoped that perhaps she would be the one to cave only you never actually wanted to defy her openly, because again, you play the victim rather convincingly. You say “we were so much happier” and this alone speaks volumes about your personality. You have zero awareness let alone self awareness so try not to speak for your wife when she clearly has opposing priorities to you. In truth, YOU were happier, and that’s all you care about. Marriage is itself a sacrifice and love is it’s own birth,you don’t really deserve either. Think about this for a moment, your wife thinks SO MUCH of you that despite understanding your qualms about children she not only stayed with you but still hoped you would father her offspring. She’s honestly probably too good for you, because the view through her eyes is so terribly out of sync with reality I genuinely pity her. She loves you, and more than that she believes you are a great father. The above poser is right. If you are unhappy the only just course of action is to tell your wife the truth and support the children financially. You should understand that their lives will be forever altered by this and it in turn will affect the lives of others. Responsibility is not just a word, it’s the very principle of living.

    And while now you might be in your prime there will come a time where age will rob you of your natural abilities and even your memory. Friends will vanish and those that claim to love you will prove to be flickering lights in an encroaching darkness. Your children however, will always love you. They will shelter and protect you as you did them, and in many ways the lives that you offer them will be the life they offer you when you are unable to survive on your own. They will honor you and the lessons you impart to them. You will shape them and through this act shape the lives of everyone they meet. Being a parent is a great trial and a crapshoot, and, as you say, at times a misery. But the reward is incomparable. And your wife, whom you claim to love, will cherish you all the more knowing you never wanted this at all.

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  3. The first two commenters are really off the mark! The OP was very honest about not wanting children and SHE married him anyway, and eventually manipulated him into having children with her – so why is this HIS fault?? Just because they are children, and everyone should just naturally love children? Well, not everyone does, and he did everything right by making sure she knew full well that he definitely did not want or like kids. He might not be your cup of tea, but his wife is the bad guy in this scenario.

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  4. No, the first two comments are totally on the mark actually. And you are blatantly the OP pretending to be a random. He made sure she knew he did not want kids? Like when he had his vasectomy or wrapped his member up? TAKE some responsibility holy shit. She did not strap him down to a chair for years until he impregnated her, he moped along hoping somehow things would work out. He, sorry, YOU are the badguy. A vasectomy is reversible you idiot, it should have been the first thing you did after deciding to marry her. We’re you just going to casually gut punch her if she got pregnant? What a totally anemic defense.

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    • And furthermore, if you KNOW you never want kids why the hell would you not just get a vasectomy period? “Accidents happen” is a well used phrase for about a million reasons….or were you planning on making your partners endure birth control while you did nothing about it

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      • You need to get a hold of yourself! Good God, I think I touched a nerve! Um no, your profiling skills are horrendous – not only am I not the OP, but I am a post-menopausal woman!

        You sound extremely bitter about this guy, but let me ask you – would your reactions be so over the top if the OP was a woman who was coerced into having children, when she made it clear to her husband that she did not want them, but the husband and family pressured her for a decade until she gave in?? Would you be calling HER a piece of shit?? I think not.

        Like I said, this guy doesn’t have to be everybody’s favorite person, but he was HONEST about how he felt. HONEST, and I guarantee you this girl married him thinking she would change his mind. When it didn’t work, she enlisted her family. That is appalling. I do acquiesce that if he felt so strongly about it, he should have gotten a vasectomy – but how many doctors will perform a vasectomy on what I assume is a very young man?

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  5. Well, since the legal age to have a vasectomy done is 18 I would imagine a great many doctors would perform the operation without much issue. So there goes that little diversion. And how is caring about yet MORE unloved children inheriting the failures of their parents “touching a nerve”?. You are literally trying to excuse the behavior of a crappy parent because he’s moaning that he never had a choice. Can you attempt to address the rather glaring issues with his “honest” statement? Like how he was *forced* to have children and yet chose to remain, hell, to even MARRY his wife knowing she wanted children? How can you possibly sit there and decry his wife for “thinking she could change him” when he, himself, was attempting to do the exact SAME thing by marrying her? Can you not see the blatant irrational logic in your own statements? I’ll answer that for you. You cannot, because you are in fact the OP. Gender is inconsequential my friend. Man or woman, this individual IS a piece of shit, so again, nice try, but no. That was a rather limp wristed attempt to strong arm an argument out of thin air.

    OP is bitching about the consequences of actions he chose to take. You make choices in life, and if you are any sort of human being you do right by them.

    Check mate.

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  6. Wow… you are so wrong it’s not even funny. Tell me, where in his post does it say that she told him she wanted kids before they got married? Where does it say he ignored any of her wishes? Seems to me she agreed with him (i.e. misrepresented herself, ergo lied) that they would not have kids, and then set to work in changing his mind once they were married.

    But you know what – that’s just my opinion. I have no horse in this race, and I really don’t care about these people. I saw commentors beating up on this guy, unfairly IMO, and I thought I’d interject with a different point of view. But I’ll be damned if I didn’t attract the crazy person whose life is so meaningless that winning an argument with a complete anonymous stranger on the Internet is clearly the most important thing they’ve got going on, so have at it, you poor thing, you win.

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  7. You said yes to kids to avoid conflict or save the marriage. Either way, you said yes and we’re a part of bringing them into the world. Time to pull on your big boy pants and take responsibility for YOUR choices.

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