SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: October 24, 2015

I regret that I cannot get over how you shattered our lives when you committed suicide when I was 11. I regret that it changed our family so completely that we stopped living as well. I regret that it still affects my life so much that I can’t make a commitment to anyone in case they leave me too. I regret that I sometimes still hate you for being so selfish and destroying our lives. I regret that you aren’t here with me now.
46 F

2 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: October 24, 2015

  1. Please be gentle on yourself, you had no power to influence what happened, and no say in the fallout.

    As a child, my father had an affair which tore apart my family, and took me from everything and everyone I had loved, also at a young age. It felt certainly as powerful as a death to me as well, and I can so emphasize with how the fallout affects our lives throughout. It is certainly also one of my life’s most profound regrets, but please know you’re not alone in this. Your situation awakens such similar feelings for me.

    Life throws so much stuff at us, so much of it really beyond our power of control or sphere of influence. I wish for you future years of freedom from the misery of someone else’s actions, that you could find peace for that 11year old who had no say in another’s very consequential actions.

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  2. My father killed himself with a shotgun when I was a little older than you. I grew up hating him for the state he left us in. No goodbyes, no reason or note. He just left. I want you to know that I understand your pain. Yours is, of course, unique-but we are lost in the same darkness. I have no idea who you are-but I know your strength. Please believe me, and I mean this more earnestly than the internet will allow me to convey, that you deserve to be loved. I love you, if that’s any small consolation. So on those nights when the world has you by the throat remember that someone, regardless of time or distance or even familiarity, loves you and will never stop. Allow your heart to beat again. Life is a series of seasons and you are long overdue for summer. There is life still left to be lived. You are strong, you are brave. You are not alone. So very much has already been taken from you, please don’t let fear lord over the rest. There is never an end to what we feel, but there are things out there that help distract us from it.
    Great things, hell, great people are waiting for you to come back, whenever you are ready.

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