SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: September 14, 2015

I regret getting in a drunk driving accident when I was 16 and killing someone. I regret not saying the words”I’m sorry” when I spoke in court to the family. I regret never sending them a letter saying those words in the 24 years since it happened, but I am afraid to tear open old wounds. I have since become a different person. I got married and changed my name. I’m a nurse, and I belong to the faith in action group at a Unitarian Church. I deliver meals on wheels and work at a soup kitchen monthly. But I feel like I am an impostor, just waiting to be found out. I fear that something horrible will happen to my kids because of my bad karma. I am doing the best I can. I must be alive for some reason. I know that I wouldn’t be the person I am now if I hadn’t gone through everything in my life that I have, but every night I drive home from work it haunts me. I keep the Ambien company in business single-handedly, I think. I never forgot her name.

2 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: September 14, 2015

  1. As you admit, someone died at your hands when you were sixteen. You have sentenced yourself to a life term of guilt, remorse and fear. You are paying the price for your wrongdoing on a daily basis.

    You are living a good life now, a life of compassion and service to others. What’s missing is compassion for yourself. You will never forget what happened – nor should you – but it’s time for self-forgiveness.

    What advice would you give to someone if they had your story to tell? I think you would advise them to live the life you are now living, but without the crippling fear because the fear of your past being uncovered is an imprisonment far worse than any reality. You might even say to them that it’s not too late to write and send that letter.

    I wish you well dear stranger.

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  2. Everything the poster above said is truth. Own your past. Forgive your 16year old self, write that letter even if you ant mail it. Don’t spend your life in service to others as penance. Do it because you want to, don’t do it if you don’t want to. It’s ok to move on

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