SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 2, 2015

I am the reason my parents stayed married, completely unhappy, for over 18 years. I regret the fact that I never paid enough attention to realize they didn’t want to be together. Sometimes I wish they would’ve gotten a divorce when I was a little kid like they wanted to, instead of staying in an unhealthy marriage until I went to college. When my own father came to me and told me that I, his only daughter, was the one reason he stayed with my mom, it hurts. And when your own mother says she has been living with a man she HATES for years just so see me grow up “normal”, it absolutely kills. Nothing hurts more then feeling like a broken relationship is all your fault… and it still hurts me to this day. I regret the fact that I am the reason they were so unhappy for such a long time.

6 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: August 2, 2015

  1. Did you see the movie “good will hunting” when the therapist tells the young man “IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT” and kept repeating it until hopefully it sank in.It was Not your fault,you were not responsible for your parent’s failed marriage and they did not stay together just because of you, there must have been other reasons they did not wish to disclose to you and might not have really even known themselves,I will never understand why parents project their own guilt on their children,it is unforgivable! My mother used to tell me she did not divorce my father and marry her lover because of me.I know now that it had nothing to do with me.Please stop punishing yourself for something you are not and never were responsible for.You were the meat in the sandwich,they used you to get back a each other.I guess if they are still alive it would be no use confronting them with it,you would not get any sense out of them,because they knew exactly what they were doing and how it did hurt you and would more than likely turn it back on you yet again.IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! Just remember that.

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  2. Your parents should never have put that burden on you. Even if they honestly felt that was the reason they stuck it out, it was rotten to tell you. It wasn’t your fault, it’s never the fault of the child caught in the middle of two emotional train wrecks. If either of them ever says it to you again, ask them what they think your feelings should be knowing this information. Do they expect undying gratitude that they’ve ruined you life now instead of when you were small? Shame on them! Hugs to you, this too shall pass.

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  3. This should be shoved into the faces of ever foolish lying parent who is doing this RIGHT NOW. No child has any interest in being the reason their parents are in unfulfilling and unhappy marriages or relationships. As a child of divorce I can assure you that I was MUCH happier with two parents apart and working on their happiness than two parents together & miserably stuck.

    The people who say they are together for their kids are teaching them to stay in unhealthy and miserable relationships. Try thinking about that instead of the whole prideful “parents together” shit that is used as an excuse to blame the kids for the parents laziness and fear.

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  4. You do not own their choices. Do not try to reconcile this issue by yourself, I am suggesting you talk to a professional therapist.

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  5. This could have been written by a former friend of mine, the stories are identical. She found out our first year of college that her parents were finally divorcing out of the blue. Everyone, including her, truly believed they were still madly in love with each other. I used to go to her house and see her parents together and wish my divorced ones were still together. Come to find out that he was with another woman the entire time and her mother had been hiding her heartbreak for years. She was their only child, they said they did it for her, and the weight of that almost killed her. She spent college in and out of abusive relationships, blaming herself for her parents’ misery. She started drinking and using drugs, and eventually tried to kill herself. It makes me crazy when parents throw the guilt of their mistakes onto their children. It wasn’t her fault they chose to stay together and live a lie, and it’s not yours either. I just hope that you do not make the same mistakes my friend did and let this guilt eat you up inside. It was not your fault, it never was and never will be. Move forward in your life, and take it as a learning experience of how not to behave in your future relationships. I wish you the best. And as someone whose parents divorced, I can tell you it was 1000 times better to see them separate than to watch them slowly destroy each other.

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  6. Parents have a powerful instinct to stay close to their children and protect them. However, to live a lie is taking it too far. Be thankful to have them both in your life and that they have made you a priority, rather than splitting up and starting new families, with you stuck in the middle. The lesson is to choose your mate wisely, by avoiding sexual activity until you are married to the right person, however, there are no perfect situations in life. We all make mistakes and need to be forgiving with ourselves and others, and not wallow in false guilt, in order to bring joy to ourselves and others,

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