Many years ago, I won a prestigious award for a live cable t.v show I hosted and produced at a tiny cable tv station, beating out the submissions of network affiliates’ submissions from the three major n.y. stations, for which I was given (the award) at a large luncheon attended by many and hosted by a well known anchorperson and a company executive. Opportunity knocked and although I met with executives at major stations who gave me specific advice and who were following my career and who likely would have hired me in the near future, fear kicked in and I bailed, choosing to return to my free lance journalism. But I knew it was a retreat nonetheless. I had three very young kids and no good day care I told myself. who did it affect? Myself mostly, I think, as, oddly enough my three adult children are driven and successful and fearless. But still. . . This feeling that I bailed every now and then tugs at me whenever I make a choice that doesn’t take me far enough. And I lived for many years with self loathing that was nearly or partly derailing.