SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: July 11, 2015

It’s been over a year now since we parted… I regret that I didn’t fight enough and that I said I wouldn’t wait while you were away. Every night I can’t sleep thinking of all the ‘what ifs’ , every time I day dream you are right by my side. I regret not being strong enough to ask you to wait for me, I regret that the chances of us working things out are becoming slimmer by the day. I don’t regret loving you even now with my whole heart; although I regret not being able to tell you.
Forever in my thoughts… Only wishing things had worked out differently

One thought on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: July 11, 2015

  1. Know that you are not alone in this type of emotional challenge within your life my friend. The “If only’s” can consume you…or so it feels. I have changed a great deal since meeting the one guy that I knew without a shadow of dought in my heart. That if I ever truly felt the embrace, of his heart close to mine, that I would probably never recover, from being consumed by the strongest desires, that I have ever felt in my entire life, by Anyone. I wish I could say it was just lust, as I pretend to have be thought. Had I known that having to take depression medication in order to maintain a certain level of happiness for the rest of my life was the trade off, I may have put more at stake on the line at letting my son take the brunt of the cruelty of others around us. Purhaps that is the reason why I was not blessed with the gift of knowing the future. I simply didn’t feel it right to have my innocent only child pay the ultimate price for my own desires to actually allow myself weaknesses towards a younger man, that most likely wouldn’t ever see me as anything but a “good time” to have into his memory log. Never before have I ever more seriously considered such a dramatic life change…but the costs for us were a lot more extreme and heavy than the ones he seemed to be prepared to concider. Without equal balance in any relationship it simply would never last.
    If you feel you didn’t fight hard enough in your situation with this person, maybe it was because in your own heart you knew you wanted them to stay the stronger person, so that you stay the weaker. Sometimes strength can allow us the weak moments to help us keep going in the direction we seek most. It’s ok….it’ll all work out for the best in the long run I’m sure…it has too…there must be more than gain that loss in this life…or what’s the point in going on in it right? Take care of yourself and those around you and keep your head up knowing that where there is one along your side even in the worst of times in this life…you are not alone and are entitled to rest and re-coop for the next battle that is around the corner! Where there is one there is more right?! Chin up…there is a method to his madness!😉 xoxo

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