SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: July 8, 2015

My deepest sorrow and regret is not knowing how unhappy I was making my wife.
Now she is out of love with me and seeing other men in secret. I wish I had acted in a better way that could have shown her how much see means to me. I was so blinded by how perfect I thought our life was that I did not realize that I was failing to support her with her academic studies, failing to listen to her when she would complain about me not being supportive.
I thought me being faithful, kissing her and complimenting her and buying her flowers and arranging family trips and date nights was enough.
Now I see the distance in her manner, her constant grip on her phone. We hardly talk and I want to reach out to her, but feel she has already left me psychologically and is just going through the motions until she has the right time to leave.
I regret being the self centered, uncaring person that she describes to her online encounters. I regret stumbling across her open email and discovering what she really thinks of me. I mostly regret being helpless as a divorce would mean me having to move out and not being a part of my children’s life. I want my family with me.
I regret having so much regret when the wise thing to do would be to leave, but I don’t want a new relationship, how can I love when it is so clear that I cannot keep a woman satisfied enough to want to be faithful to me.
I regret that each time I ask about counselling or relationship therapy she replies that we don’t need it, that I am the best husband in the world.

3 thoughts on “SECRET REGRET OF THE DAY: July 8, 2015

  1. Please don’t blame yourself for her cheating – she chose to do something really shitty and you need to allow yourself to be angry at her betrayal. Cheaters very typically complain to the other party about how terrible their spouse is, while refusing to actually *address* any of the problems they complain about – if she didn’t give you feedback or request you to do something different then you had no way of knowing. It’s usually just that the cheater likes to blame things on other people, plus it allows them to manipulate their affair partner with sympathy.

    I am sad for you and hope that you are able to come through this believing in yourself and knowing that you are worth loving. I’ve never had to deal with a cheater but have seen forums where there is advice on how to deal with it, how to confront the person the right way, etc. etc.

    Take care,
    F/30

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  2. You can’t go by other’s opinions on this…”Cheaters” are NOT ALWAYS lieing…nor are they just making up stories that they are NOT trying to address…I am one proof of that. However… the efforts to the relationship that you have described above are just a couple things that would have made a difference to me before I decided to seek attention and affections from someone else, for the first time. You cannot blame yourself..I agree…you are making more efforts than my husband ever did back then and any efforts like that are worth 10 fold within the relationship if the other person is willing to see them for what they are. If she does not…she is the self centered one…not you. If she cannot admit to your efforts like that being worthy…she is selfish and self centered and you need to concider allowing yourself the respect you deserve…for trying it your all.

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    • Her cheating is not a lack in you – but a lack in her morals and character. She is broken. She is a failure as a wife and mother.

      Healthy people request counselling when unhappy with their spouse. Healthy people ask for a divorce when they feel
      Incomplete in the marriage. Selfish people cheat – keep their spouse and use them for what they can, and use their Afffair Partner for the ego kibbles since they know deep down – they are pieces of shit.

      Dude – do some reading over at survivinginfidelity.com – you find lots of similar stories and receive a lot of guidance and support.

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